He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. Before, he did a quick internship at AMII and worked as a Wolt courier (in other words, before Bored Panda, he never had a real job). Enjoy our team's carefully selected Long Jokes. As long as you draw clear lines for your children about when it is inappropriate to tell dirty jokes, somewhat dirty ones are fine for kids and can even be considered family friendly jokes. He saw the penguins were still in the truck, but they were wearing sunglasses this time. "God said yes.The guy said, "God, is it true that to you a billion dollars is like a penny? The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. if (document.cookie.match(/(^|;)\s*is_mobile=1/)) { Carl had a big swollen nose. After a long period of silence she finally speaks: "Tim, I've been thinking, now that we're married maybe it's time you quit golfing. Youve just made my day. It was near the forest so the local guide warned me that I might find some animals there. She replies, "Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here! Also an owner of 0.0028 Bitcoin. "My daughter answered: "It's because of my friend's stutter.". I rushed to the hospital expecting that my father had some major fractures, but he was alright except for some minor cuts. There is no rush!" When the others asked him what the reason was for such sadness, the Kangaroo revealed that the rain meant that all its kids would now be playing inside. 2. "Look at it's hand. So in the morning, he calls 911 to come pick up the body. You're the father of triplets! "Where do you live?" url("//cdn2.editmysite.com/fonts/SQ_Market/sqmarket-medium.woff2") format("woff2"), And they do so. url("//cdn2.editmysite.com/fonts/SQ_Market/sqmarket-medium.woff") format("woff"); ""Thank you. Ooops! As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death." 69% of people find something dirty in every sentence. font-weight: 500; var windowHref = window.location.href || ''; A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table. Joe asks what the dollar is all about. The cowboy smiles, taps his watch and says, "Damn thing's an hour fast.". "The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" Sister Susan responds "Well if I'm going to have to gargle this stuff, I'd rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it! he shouted. ", A food critic visits a local restaurant to review its food for the town magazine. Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal to someone else, will receive unlimited free liquor for the duration of the flight!". Patient: "Doc, my bum hurts"Doctor: "Where specifically does it hurt? When they get to the front gates of the school, the kid says, "Dad, you will remember to come and get me when I'm 18, won't you? During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password: "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"When asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital. Mind Your Business counted to a hundred and then started looking for his brother. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. "Don't you mean big pause? My cousin replied, "Absolutely not! Three friends stranded on a deserted island find a magic lamp. ""Why the long face? By submitting email you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter. The mother too embarassed to tell her little girl about sex so she makes up an answer. Once you are there, give the jokes youve enjoyed the most your vote and share this article with your friends afterward. "What do you mean?" This time a larger number of hands were raised. After 20 years wife turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrator. The farmer is impressed. 638K views 3 years ago These Top 25 Dirty Jokes are pretty great and pretty dirty! My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. ", Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. Funeral director, "Sir, it would cost about $45,000 if we send her home back to the states or $500 if we bury her here in Jerusalem. Inside it is a genie who agrees to grant each friend one wish.I want to go home, says the first friend. St. Peter turns to the first Nun in the line and asks her "Sister, have you ever touched a penis?" ""Until you're 18", says the father.The kid nods, and thinks about this quietly. What Did? The farmer is not just impressed anymore,he is worried. Looks authentic, doesn't it. Let's keep in touch and we'll send more your way. "Make me one with everything," says the Buddhist to the tofu hot dog vendor. After feeling around for a while, the old man said, "OK, You are 47." - And why on the ground ? A dirty joke may always bring that spark back to an evening that has become dull, whether it is greeted by the moans that usually follow dad jokes or the gentle trickling of laughter that meets a clever pun. My brother came back from school all motivated because he said he would be following a new diet from that day. Her sister smiled and said: "Thats nothing, mine is already eating bananas. Sex on TV can't hurt unless you fall off. "Me: "A long time ago a man was buried here and 3 days later he rose from the dead, I can't take that chance. ", A man stands in line at an ATM in Moscow. Then, after getting his tofu hot dog, the Buddhist hands the vendor a $20 bill. Thats right; weve gathered loads of funny long jokes in this article, so youll never run out of endearing things to say (that is, if you learn at least one of them by heart). I think she could be right.Saul replied enthusiastically, Well done! The snail says, What was that all about?. "The farmer didn't answer. "Me: "Ship her home. A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!". A Husband and Wife at Custody court. Wondering what is was for, he joined it. "Blind man!" ", A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday. - 23. Disgusted by the fact, all of us complained immediately. Please form a single-file line." Inside it is a genie who agrees to grant each friend one wish. And today Im taking them to the beach. How's the water? "About 35,"he replied. A man was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him. Soon, a Labrador walks in, sniffs the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. So, the wife and I were in town shopping And as we came out of a store, three girls aged between 18 and 20 walked by, wearing tiny cropped tops and short short skirts. ", As a group of robbers entered the bank, their leader went to the manager and asked him to open the vault. He sees a policeman walking down the line of stopped cars to briefly talk to the drivers. "I'd be careful if I was you. What did one butt cheek say to the other? //