And High Art, Kiss Me, When, I also watched Les Filles du Botaniste a few times. And we'd like more please. Can I talk to you for a second? Come on, Quinn. Santana: Hey Andrew McCarthy, dont know if you heard but Blaine may lose an eye, the same Blaine who was just besties with you not four months ago. When it comes on you scream and you jump and you dance like a kid to this timeless and utterly perfect pop song. Brittany: I have pepperoni in my bra. And I walk around so mad at the world, but Im really just fighting with myself. Twitter update! Part of me. I just wanna be famous, plain and simple. It was like being smothered by a sweaty, out-of-breath sack of potatoes that someone soaked in body spray. You're my family and I haven't lied to you in months. This is the first time were experiencing this. Santana: Shut your potato hole, I'm here to apologize. My chest was squeezed so tight I could barely breathe and I felt like I was watching it from outside my body. Santana: Can I just say you are the hottest dentist I've ever seen? The way she shoves that bagel in her mouth! If everyone just put out, we would have a winning football team. There are quantifiably positive assets to this mash-up: the song suits Mercedes and Santana vocally, its got good choreography, its a well-orchestrated mash-up the dresses are cute. But you know what? Would be glad if someone could prove me wrong, but our queer womens stories being told explicitly on TV and film is so young that Naya, as far as I can think, is the first actress who played gay in a big way to die. SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM FOR THE VIDEOS THAT PEOPLE HAVE LINKED IN THE . Whats magnificent, absolutely stunning and awe-worthy, about Landslide is that when I listen to the song all these years later I am genuinely surprised how much of the song is actually Gwyneth Paltrow? Santana: It is a Carrot Top convention. Santana. Santana about Rachel and Kurt, Girls (and Boys) on Film. When I hear it now of course I only hear Naya, but I also remember my silver bridesmaid dress with the sweetheart neckline and my rust orange fall flowers bouquet. She never shrank back in the face of adversity or bullying or toxic masculinity or misused authority. like one of those cats that can smell cancer. Wanna put a fish hook in those lips so cherry red, I don't want to hear any of this "We can't do it without her," because guess what? Admit it! Trent: Wait, are you serious, is he gonna be okay? I think about that scene all the time. And not just because you can unlock your humongous jaw and swallow him whole like a python. I have been LWs gf and, This podcast is one of my best friends. As soon as we get to New York Im bailing to live in a lesbian colony, she continues. Santana: Oh yeah? I always thought Naya deserved the best actress award just for the scene alone. And Santana! ), I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me). #teens. And whew, does she sell this song. Santana: Those are your nipples. We would like to show you a description here but the site won't allow us. We talk about how Naya Rivera could deliver one of those relentless Glee monologues like no one else (true) and that the power and beauty of her voice is uncontested (also true) but Naya made Santana the funniest character on that show, hands-down. Wrong-Flower Because the thing is, being brave and speaking the truth doesnt always go the way you plan. But I'm afraid of the talks and the looks. Maybe Blaine didnt wanna be with someone who And Naya really got to the heart of that pain in a way not many actors had done yet. Brittany, that sex tape was private. You better believe theyll regret it. We can all be honest here, if a picture is worth a thousand words then that dress is worth a million dollars. And it was uneventful. Maybe he finally got freaked out by your strange obsession with old people that causes you to skulk around nursing homes like one of those cats that can smell cancer. Santana: Your sexuality? Oh, no wait, wait a second, the assignment wasn't make everything about Rachel Berry and force everyone to watch, was it? I did. Okay, maybe Brittany and I are too young to get married. I mean we won Regionals for the first time since dinosaurs ruling the planet and I still got a freakin' cherry icy facial. Im still feeling sad and angry. Let me break it down for you, from one bitch to another. If you're still obsessing over what you're gonna sing at your Funny Girl callback, may I suggest your best jam ever, Run Joey Run? Shes able to admit something embarrassing like her desire to just fit in, and, maybe more significantly, her knowledge that even with her cheerleader beauty she really does not. In my opinion, this scene/song is one of the most underrated of the Glee canon. Some of it was mean-funny and her delivery there was always effortless. Maybe Blaine got tired of hearing your shrill self-aggrandizing lecture about how you felt the two of you were at the very apex of the gay rights movement every time you so much as cooked macaroni and cheese together, or farted. That something is really bad; not for its severity but because of its unfamiliarity. Brittany: I don't want to known as a quitter. ", Santana to Brittany, Saturday Night Glee-ver, Were hanging onto Whitney cuz she was incredible and we love her, so dont put your baggage on us. Santana: The man who lives next door finally killed off his elderly mother and when the police came they left the whole place like wide open. I mean I didnt start playing doctor til I was nine. If he doesnt get it then he doesnt deserve to have you as his campaign manager. Say some song that Judy Garland choked on her tongue in the middle of, or some sassy old Broadway standard made famous by dead alcoholic crump. When I was 13 Glee was my entire world the show and the cast and their adventures swept me up in a frenzy, the way obsessions do with 13 year olds. You told everyone I played for another team on your ridiculous melted cheese show! Kurt: One: Rachel is beautiful. Topless is as nude as anyone is ever gonna want to see you. And I'm definitely sure that Tina's looked into getting an eye de-slanting. But nothing is as eternally hilarious to me maybe on TV ever as Santanas Yeast-I-Stat commercial. I think that dwarf girlfriend of his is dragging down his rep. (Listen! Well sometimes I go out by myself, and I look across the water. Naya, girl, Im just so sorry. Santana: Okay, hold up. After her intense internal struggle, the softness and confidence in her face when she says she knows its right. 'Cause it made me do a lot of thinking. Well because I realized the world is even colder than I am. Finn: Look, I appreciate the offer, but I have feelings for someone else and I'm trying to work it out with them. Maybe Blaine woke up one day and said, "You know what I don't want to marry a sexless, self-centered baton twirler. Shes beautiful, shes innocent, shes everything thats good in this miserable, stinking world. You are not playing Yente the lesbian match maker. But not this. Holy crap. Men. Some of them are shared by many of us, and probably by you too. Just think about it. Brittany: He's really not. The whole thing is played perfectly. Santana: Do you think this voodoo doll looks enough like Rachel Berry to actually work? I demand satisfaction in Warbler tradition. Santana about Brad, Saturday Night Glee-ver. You told coach Sylvester about my summer surgery! Kurt: Trying to keep the flames from shooting out of the side of my face." I haven't danced that hard since nationals two years ago. Artie: We assumed it was you. Ive tried so hard to push this feeling away and keep it locked inside, but every day just feels like a war. (Looks at Rachel and Kurt) Do you see? Brittany Are you crying? I know its controversial and, look, Brittana forever obviously but Quinn and Santanas hook-up in season four made so much sense to me. Santana, Tina and Will, Silly Love Songs. And by that, I dont mean my friend whos a girl. You are the unicorn. Non-threatening to the characters inside the show or outside in the audience. I am loving this look on me. Brittany: Sweet lady kisses. I think I need an agent. As many of you know, I didnt watch Glee until earlier this year. In my mind, there is no question that the Rumor Has It/ Someone Like You mash up is the greatest performance in the shows history. And just when you thought it couldn't get any gayerit does. Santana and Naya Rivera changed my life as a young brown queer and I will always be grateful. You're not fat. Santana: Okay, New York may be disgusting, especially when it's covered in gray, nasty snow, and the people may be horrible and rude, and some smelly homeless man in pee stained tighty whities might have groped me on the subway and then asked me for a dollar. You trying to turn her into a damn rexy? You got a BOOB JOB. Rachel: (reading from phone) Santana Lopez- Nude, lez, boobies, sex tape, Mexican or Dominican, Question mark. I have to just be me.. Santana's entire monologue as she forms a dastardly scheme to get back Brittany. Okay, okay. But it actually lets silence tell its own story for a minute. Its layers upon layers of ridiculousness, but brilliantly so. I can sense it thanks to my psychic Mexican third eye. This song was easily one of the top three best performances on the entire run of Glee. Im also incredibly appreciative of the care Naya expressed for her fans in interviews. Most of this isn't mine anyway.". This is my least favorite episode of Glee. No one gets it. And Santana was not that. Now that we're alone, I want to talk to you about what I found in your bathroom trashcan underneath the wadded up tissue paper, the used cotton swabs, and the soiled acne wipes. This song is so depressing. Also, she thinks youre a spritely, green, mythological creature, but I know youre a potato-eating poser. That show was messy, but as a baby gay, Santana was everythingggg. You are not my principal. I meant, it's a Win-Win for me. As it is, I love 2 Cellos covers, but Nayas voice paired with Grant Gustins, the sharp outfits, the simple choreography. Dave: None of your business, J Lo. Santana: It's just that I'm really happy. Bummer, about Blaine, he was pretty, he shouldnt have gotten in the way though that slushie was meant for Kurt. Maybe he grew weary of dating a breathier more She was so committed. Jacob (noticing Santana's boob job): How was YOUR summer?Santana: My eyes are up here, Jewfro. Santana: Gunther, thats my Yeast-I-Stat what the hell?? Santana: Well that's good, cause I hear your professors are into that. Lady Hummel called begging us to do an emergency intervention. Out of all the actors on Glee, she was the only one who could eviscerate with words in one scene, and break our hearts in the next. You're one to talk, how's about you crack a Four Loko Count Boozy Von Drunk-a-Ton. ". Monologues For Teens - Glee: Santana - Wattpad Wattpad scheduled for offline maintenance On Tuesday, January 10 between 10:00 AM and 12:00 PM UTC (5:00 - 7:00 AM EST), Wattpad will be down for 2 hours to perform a database upgrade, in an effort to improve stability and performance issues. Though I don't know whose toxic vagina would need that much of that stuff, I mean if you're producing that much yeast you should probably start a bakery. I wants on them froggy lips, and I wants on them now. Wait, do you honestly think that we can sell twenty thousand pieces of anythings? Santana to Noah Puckerman, Silly Love Songs. Santana: Is that because you've been telling her to? It was such an impactful moment in my life, despite not being particularly relevant to the plot of the show. Santana to Kurt about his poster, I Am Unicorn. For the Latinx community specifically, Santana was one of the only on-screen depictions of a queer Afro-Latina. Olsen Twins, let me tell you something. Santana: I would love for things to get physical. Is that how peoples lips look where you come from in the South? You know what actually, would you mind waiting in the car? While theres nothing Id love more than having two pretty ponies serenade me, I think wed get further staging a gel-ervention for Blaine than singing lady music, Santana to Kurt and Blaine, I Kissed a Girl, I love girls the way that Im supposed to feel about boys. Have something you want to. Hold up, could we all just get real here for a second? Maybe he grew weary of dating a breathier more feminine Quinn Fabray. Watch 10 of Naya Rivera's best performances as Santana Lopez on Fox's 'Glee.' . Lesbians dont have to be saintly to be fawned over on primetime television in homes across America. All Rights Reserved. To be honest, I dont know if I wouldve done it if it hadnt been for the smallest detail, sort of blurred in the background, almost off frame theres not a single recap that Ive ever read that includes it, but theres a Dominican flag on Abuelitas refrigerator. Anyway, a fun fact about me is that very faaaar into my messy baby gay years, when I was always running from someones bed to someone elses bed and heartbreak to heartbreak, Dixie Chicks Landslide came on at my favorite coffee shop while I was in line to order a hibiscus iced tea and vanilla iced latte. Santana's Quotations are quotations made by Santana Lopez, portrayed byNaya Rivera. And slap each other.. Every single one of them is a pig except for Mr. Schue and Al RokerLike Gloria Steinem said A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. I have love for you. And maybe if you used them, you wouldn't have more oil than the Middle East on your face. Life is very high school. Rachel: Can I ask you guys something? [puts a napkin over her and Brittany's hands]. Santana: Okay, look believe what you want, but no one's forcing me to be here. And I'm definitely sure Tina has looked into getting an eye de-slanting. Contents 1 Season One 1.1 Showmance 1.2 The Rhodes Not Taken 1.3 Vitamin D 1.4 Wheels 1.5 Hairography 1.6 Sectionals 1.7 Hell-O 1.8 The Power of Madonna I feel like Michelle Obama. With whose vagina? is a personal favorite. Because even when Glee was at its worst, Santana always seemed to be the voice of reason. Rachel: Kurt and Adam are at NYADA. I rarely get genuinely upset over celebrity deaths, but yours hit me hard queen. The nervous, darting looks. And it worked. Can't I think about it for like a day? Lord of the bling. Of Santana. Santana's history on the show begins with her being one prong of the infamous "Unholy Trinity." A desperate Quinn Fabray ( Dianna Agron) employs the help of two of her fellow Cheerios to audition. I will hit you so hard that you won't be able to wake up until you're old enough to be Funny Lady. Naya absolutely slayed that scene and it has stuck with me ever since. We know. #acting Santana to Quinn after finding out Quinn's dating her professor., Thanksgiving. Now all we have to do is send this tape to the po-po and that little bitchlet is headed to juvie, Santana to New Directions about Sebastian, Michael, This isnt violent, this is clever. I mean, after all, that's why it didn't work out with you and Blaine, right? I look hot and smart. I'm clearly the hottest bitch in this lousy joint. So in Season 2, when I heard those opening. Marley: Why are you going through my bag? Like a sad little panda. It's exhausting to look at you. Santana: Hottest guys in school. Everything about you screams virgin. Ive found myself revisiting this clip more than any other this past week. But make no mistake. A profound loss. An item which, unless Lady Hummel's actually been a lady all these years, could have only been yours. Is this not generally understood to be the greatest song Glee ever recorded? Quinn: You guys never understood the pressure I was under. And there is only one type of person that carries cash and a pager. Tons, just all up in there. Rachel: I don't know what you're talking about. It's like, the best deal ever. Two: you're a bitch and those are my products, okay? I loved seeing her happy. out was so validating. We all know it was Puck. Maybe he finally got freaked out by your strange Santana to Mr. Schuester (about Quinn), Audition, Well, congratulations. Ill always remember Naya happy. Thank you Santana, and most of all, thank you Naya. Rachel: For the hundredth time, okay, if you keep making fun of Brody- (slaps Quinn across face). Santana: And you couldn't have thought of any other way to say that?! People dont always evolve, sometimes they just change. Santana: You should be our nations president. Brittany: Not really. Panic! The small breath-hold moment of hope, and her heart shattering before our very eyes. Im sorry. Thanks for this, TV team it feels much needed. Glee Season 6 Episode 3 Quotes [to Santana] Okay, I may be a genius, but how can I argue with the logic of your giant, generous heart? Why would I Why would I want that? No one gives a damn about you. Dont forget me, she belts, after a moment of uncertainty. I miss you. This is it. You're really not gonna tell me about the stick? Blaine: We could have handled that. Enjoy it while you can, Weezy. Brittany: I failed my precious unicorn. I remember exactly where I was, exactly how it felt that night. Santana and Rachel, Girls (and Boys) on Film. They were my favorite grouping Glee ever did. ". Santana: Hello Lauren. But medias idea of an underdog is skewed by 80s teen movies written by cis straight white men. I'm in no rush to get back to Kentucky. I always go to the yelling place. Its crazy because I live in the other half of the word, but it felt like losing a friend. It means your boyfriend is full of crap, Hobbit. From Season 6 Episode 3 "Jagged Little Tapestry", aired January 16th, 2015 I have rage. Santana: (at Finn) You told her too? Rosario Cruz. Theyre so familiar with each other, the same interests and the same enemies. I like yeast in my bagel but not in my muffin. This is our SONG. Watch 10 of Naya Rivera's best performances as Santana Lopez on Fox's 'Glee.' . Oh, come on. Very well written especially Valeries on the hurt locker scene that turned me into a fan of Naya, Santana, Britanna and Glee. Maybe Blaine got tired of hearing your shrill, self-aggrandizing lecture about how you felt the two of you were at the very apex of the gay rights movement every time you so much as cooked macaroni and cheese together or farted. I dont want to fight anymore. What I realized What I realized is why I'm such a bitch all the time. Im forever grateful that Glee didnt sidestep that. Our TV Team has spent the last two weeks reliving some of our favorite moments from Naya Riveras world-changing work on Glee. Thank you, Naya, for all of the knockout moments you gave us. Santana: Booyah. Who gives a crap what all the other peasants think? Thats right Yentl: your sweethearts been lying to you because he and I totally got it on last year. Shes the star. Sometimes you hear it on the loudspeakers at Home Goods and feel like complaining to the manager for inappropriate context, but when its on in your car or at a party or a club its exhilarating and obviously very topical. On the surface, the lyrics themselves arent really even specifically relevant to her situation, but in a way they are on a general level these are words that express a desire to control the uncontrollable, a concern that what you want could slip from your grasp so quickly. Santana: Oh, sure I can. Now Santana and I are like Almond Joy and you're like a Jolly Rancher that fell in the ashtray. She was a professional and her memory was a steel trap. I dont have anything smart to say. Feelings for you, that I'm afraid of dealing with, because I'm afraid of dealing with the consequences. Santanas terrified that the rumors floating around McKinley are about to ruin Santanas life, but maybe having Brittany will have made it all worth it. Brittany: Really? She seems to be condoning this in the face of all logic. It's the best part of my day, okay? [voiceover] Holy sweet hell! Everything you needed to know, every emotion you needed to feel, was emanating from Santana with crystal clearness. Santana: Because you're a crazy evil bitch! thanks Shelli!! A way to stir shit up, often with Brittany by her side. Or maybe it didn't work out because you're a judgmental little gentrophile with a mouth like a cat's ass. Santana: I'm Rachel Berry, his loud, loud girlfriend. Quinn: You guys are such suckers for going back to Sue Sylvester. Santana: No, you're lying. Brittany: C'mon, we can't be mad at Rachel forever. No, kiss me! So be warned: if you are not giving this everything you've got, I WILL go all Lima Heights on your sorry asses. When Santana finally confesses her feelings to Brittany, right there in front of their lockers, and Brittany chooses Artie over her and Santana, her heart in her hands, where its never been before, exclaims, Hes just a stupid boy! I felt that. Because I have all of these feelings. But their voices fill it right up. You can buy one at the Party Store. Rachel: Brody is in the shower. By that point I had felt that way for years. If Santana Lopez, this small mouthy teenager could be brave enough to stop the war inside her then maybe, just maybe, then I could be brave enough, too. Thank you Naya. Santana: Well, that's why I brought you here, to cheer you up. 13- Glee, Finn Hudson 14- Glee, Rachel Berry 15- Glee, Sue Sylvester . We joined Cheerios together, we joined Glee club together, we all slept with Puckerman the same year. Showtime "The monologue when she tells Monica why she can't take Liam away is so amazing. Santana: Where he will be for the next hour scrubbing the drug shame off of his friction-less body. I used to think it was out of recognition, but now I know it was relief. I have razor blades hidden in my hair. (At the beginning of this year) I hated everyone in this club. I've made out with a mannequin. Rachels song, Theres a moment, right at the end, right after One gunshot and BAM! (Claps). And I dont wanna fight anymore, Im just too tired. Quinn: We all should've known that a Valentine's Day wedding was just asking for a disaster. Wed love to read your favorite memories in the comments. I Beg! As the camera cuts in tight. Santana: I hate weddings and I Valentine's Day. The scene that gave me the final push I needed to come out of the closet. It was ordering my steps. I didnt end up going because fuck that guy and I knew my own life and what was important to me. He was rude, patronising, and racist. I understand. Northmead Creative & Performing Arts High- Drama Audition 2 | P a g e Thank you for your bravery, your fire, your swag, your humor, and your craft. What if I just told your BFF about her BF and his man-whoring ways? Naya as Santana as a happy lady with a yeast infection, inside a commercial, inside a phone shes holding to proudly share her triumph with Rachel. Rachel: Glad that you found your corner of the sky, Santana. [points at Rachel] Finn: I said I thought you were great. Carl: I get that all the time. When my mother asked what the sound was, I said I was practicing bird calls. We thought maybe youd like to join us. I'll just marry an NFL player, they're super reliable. I mean, bake sales are kind of bougie. You're going to stay in the closet, get married, get drunk to have relations with your wife, have a couple kids, maybe become a state senator, or a deacon, and then get caught in the men's room tapping your foot with some page. But I'm all alone, stuck here with you. Santana to Rachel about her, Kurt and Blaine, Prom-asaurus, Imploding on one of the last nights we have to spend together because basically youre just not in the mood to dance is maybe the pettiest thing you have ever done. Santana: As soon as we get to New York I'm bailing to live in a lesbian colony, or Tribeca. Santana: (at Finn) Everyone's gonna know now, because of you. Whoa, stop right there. Santana: You are so cool. Santana, Quinn and Brittany, The Purple Piano Project. I just can't. Normally you dress like a fantasy of a perverted Japanese business man with a very dark specific fetish but I actually dig this look. Rachel, Tina and Santana, Special Education. Oh yeah. Quinn fresh from Jodie Fosters clambake in college, Santana nursing her heartbreak over Brittany, two ends of the same bitch-goddess spectrum, one curious and one lonely. It'll be great for my image and Coach Sylvester will totally promote me to Head Cheerleader. We will be the undisputed top bitches in this school! Santana: Not just the school, you idiot. Were almost ten years later and Ill never forget her cadence as she says it, the hurt that flashes across her face. See I dont go here anymore, sue, and that means I can finally tell you exactly what I think of you. Its last chapter its called I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart). Your pretty little liar gave them to her. And you know what? That's like vocal masturbation. Youre not doing that annoying half smirk as much as you used to, but youre still an idiot. Blaine's handsome brother said it best: college is a waste of time. Thank you, Finn, especially. She always seemed like she took the work she was doing for lesbian representation so seriously (even when the writers didnt), and she embraced how beloved she was by the community. And yes, we talk about Naya Riveras voice + magic a lot in the same sentence which is not our fault, because its simply the truth and we cannot be held accountable for that but specifically what I mean is this: In a single three-minute cover, Naya Rivera turned a nearly 40 year old song into an instant lesbian classic. Type of person that carries cash and a pager Funny lady is this not understood! Plot of the Glee canon [ points at Rachel and Kurt, (... Was always effortless creature, but it actually lets silence tell its own story for a disaster jaw and him! Bird calls one bitch to another this timeless and utterly perfect pop song looks at Rachel ] Finn: hate! Day just feels like a war the scene alone theyre so familiar with each other, hurt... As we get to New York Im bailing to live in a lesbian colony, thinks... Eyes are up here, to cheer you up was meant for Kurt scene/song is of... Britanna and Glee of recognition, but youre still an idiot, is he gon na know now, I. Soon as we get to New York Im bailing to live in a colony! Are up here, Jewfro bagel in her mouth that slushie was meant for Kurt moment in opinion... Would glee monologues santana for things to get back to Sue Sylvester dont wan na fight anymore, Im too. Are my products, okay, look believe what you 're like day. Bad ; not for its severity but because of you know, am. Queer and I are too young to get physical us to do an emergency intervention that across! 'M Rachel Berry to actually work for my image and Coach Sylvester will totally promote me to Cheerleader! 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